Many times, due to the generation gap between you and your children, and especially between grandparents and grandchildren, you might find yourself in the throes of a conflict. How to handle this generation gap? These days it may be a little different compared to the earlier times, also it varies with customs, cultures, etc. No matter which custom or culture you are from, you come under pressure from both sides. That’s the process of your evolution.
A seed grows under certain pressure inside the soil, in order to root down more and shoot up better. In case of too much pressure, the seed may perish. So, optimum pressure must be applied. In Yoga Prana Vidya (YPV) Healing, we remove excessive pressure and stress so that the person manages and grows.
When you forgive, you gain strength. By coming under pressure, you develop your inner muscles. At the same time, your spiritual progress takes place. Therefore, be very grateful to these people who pressurise you. Look at it from the soul development point of view, then you can be really thankful.
You are no more interesting for your children as they grow. These kids today have so much access to media, TV, gadgets, internet, games, etc. You are definitely not interesting. They are probably picking up only 10% from you and outside environment is influencing them the most. You cannot prevent this outside exposure.
You have to help inculcate what you want before they are grown up. In the beginning itself get them into right direction. Inculcate values of gratitude. They must have gratitude for what is being given to them. Don’t make them take things for granted. That is your responsibility. By the time they are teens, they are looking at your faults most of the time. Then, they will not learn much from you. They have more or less learnt from you, from their own perspective. A few are exceptions though.
At that stage, your duty is to support them and accept them as they are. You must make them understand that no one must dominate anyone. Everyone’s need must be addressed, but no pressurising anyone or no coming under pressure.
You must learn to express your need. Others may dominate you. But you must not get pressurised. This can happen only if you have practiced deep level of forgiveness. If you are still being coerced, the problem is with you. You have not learnt your lesson. You have not done deeper forgiveness. If you have done deep level of forgiveness, the person doesn’t have the strength to force you. In tug of war, if you leave the rope, the other person cannot pull you anymore. If you are being pulled, then you are still holding the rope, holding the grudge, resentment or pain! There cannot be any frictional force that can be applied on you if you have accepted the person and forgiven. This must be understood.
The problem is you are having expectation from the individual. You want the other person to listen to you. You are still having self-conceitedness that only your point of view is right, you have contributed more and must be abided by others. Do not blame others in this situation. You must work on yourself for this inability to see from another person’s point of view. So, come out of self-conceitedness. The main hindrance is that you think you are more experienced and so others must listen to you. You may be even dominating others due to this tendency.
Likewise, you must not get dominated by others. You must work with them by choice, not under pressure. You must learn to express your need. You must have your own freedom. At times you may support as per the need of others at the cost of your own need. But, if it repeats often or if it is continuous, you may burst out one day or you may land in psychosomatic ailments. In turn, your contribution to the family is affected. Therefore, forgiveness is the first lesson. Later you may sit down and analyse the other lessons to be learnt.
If you have forgiven, you are not going to be triggered, even if someone is doing something wrong. And if you have learnt the lesson, no one else also can trigger you for a similar situation. If you haven’t learnt the lesson, then the situation will repeat. Take care of your health and happiness. Maintain your peace, then see what best can be done. Things will change, it may take time. Accept others as they are.
The person is far or near is not the point. The negative connectivity, the thinking that the other person has caused pain to you, pressurised you, troubled you, retarded your progress implies that you haven’t understood the “Law of Cause and Effect”, and that you are not implementing the golden rule (Do to others, what you want others to do to you. And do not do to others, what you do not want others to do to you).
Give up this thinking that someone else is responsible for your situations. It is only the effect that someone is pressurising you. The cause is within you. Address the cause. First step is to practice forgiveness. You may get chained to the other person for one or more incarnations if you think he/she is responsible for your condition. In order to delink, practice forgiveness now. It is a question of this discomfort in many life times. You have a chance to resolve it now! In case finding it very difficult to forgive, practice deeper forgiveness of 7 times 7. Then the other person cannot trouble you. It is like, you have left the rope!
All are children of God. Have compassion. Take right action in a proper manner when required. Look at the causes for the effects that you are reaping. You are the creator for the possibility of such an effect. Address the causes. Discernment and wisdom are required for this. As you go through the struggle, your inner muscles grow. Be grateful to these people. By the intention of blaming them, you will never succeed. If not this person, someone else will create similar issue because the cause is you. Address the cause. Or else, it will repeat. It is cyclical.
For example, if you allow people to prevent you from doing something perpetually, you are part of their negative karma. Therefore, you will also continue. Failure to take right action on your part, allows them to continue doing wrong. Therefore, they are again together next life, because you are part of the cause. You must learn to take right action and express your need.
You cannot compromise spiritual target for the sake of other targets for a long time. There are times you must compromise, but you must do so out of choice, not by force. It must be done by understanding the need.
You must make your children successively independent. Or else, they may have difficulty in future and you will be responsible for it. They may face tough situations in order to adjust with others. Teach them to be grateful. After they are 25 years or so, you are not responsible for what they do. They must make their own decisions. You may support if needed, but it is not your responsibility. Except, if the child is mentally or physically challenged.
But the problem is, you do not want to let go. You want them to follow what you say. Otherwise, you make them feel guilty. You must understand that their purpose is different. They are viewing from a different point of view. Give them support, nurture them. Let them make choices. Help them, let them learn. If they come to you, give your suggestions or guidance when asked. It is not that you cut off with them after they are 25.
In the same way, you can meet the need of elders. Check for what’s their need? They may themselves not be aware of their need. Try to understand it and address it, with choice and willingness. Do proper time management to be able to do so. Accept them as they are and go through the situation by making a choice, not under coercion.
Give freedom to others in order to have your own freedom. It is in giving that you receive. That’s “Law of Cause and Effect”. How and when have you restricted other’s progress? Have you withheld any important information? Have you avoided showing right direction while being in a position of helping? Have you failed to motivate others? You may or may not know. But you will still reap the consequences of your actions or inactions. You will be affected in similar manner. Reaping is multiplied, so that you experience and learn from it fast.
Be smart, learn from yours and additionally from other’s mistake too. Problem is people don’t learn from their own mistakes. Our life time is too small to keep repeating mistakes in order to learn the lessons. It is not a smart thing to do. An intelligent man learns from his mistakes. A smart or wise person learns from other’s mistakes. Further, the wiser man imbibes the good qualities of others. But this requires deeper forgiveness.
It becomes easier to practice forgiveness when you touch the higher planes of Atma. You tend to touch these planes in meditation, or by chanting the mantra OM a few times with the intention of purifying your physical, emotional and mental bodies. So, you may chant the mantra OM a few times before practicing forgiveness. You may reflect within, for your thoughts and emotions of blame, criticism, judgement, comparisons, shame, offense, resentment, etc. Erase them first and then practice forgiveness for a better practice. At least once a day you may practice this way, the remaining times you may just do forgiveness sadhana.
There is so much knowledge and teaching that is available. But the techniques to practice are simple. However, applying the technique is important.
There is a definite purpose of life. You have karmic obligations to meet. Your family is of course your karmic obligation. But your Spiritual Teacher’s project is also your karmic obligation. Do not forget it. Those working for you and contributing or contributed to you, are also your karmic obligation. The Teacher wants you to fulfil all your karmic obligations. In fact, a sadhak must fulfil all his karmic obligations better than others. So, identify the needs of other people around you (not their desires). And try to address their needs. Express and address your own needs too. Utilise your time optimally. Maintain your inner calmness, so that you handle the situation without getting perturbed. Accept the situation as it is. See what can be done now!
You may also try our YPV Sadhana app which is available in various languages. It has guided audios for the said breathing exercises, Forgiveness Sadhana and Planetary Peace Meditation. These techniques boost and sustain your immune system too.